I heard clanking in the kitchen. I thought it was the dog, but it was so early, even for me, I got up. Going out to see what was going on, I was surprised by the spectral image of George Washington in there, trying to figure out how to grind coffee with the coffee grinder.
Ah, fine and hale fellow, I cannot find the crank on this infernal coffee contraption. Has it failed us?, he queried.
Um, no, it's electric, I said taking the grinder from him and pouring in a parcel of Boyd's Denver Blend.
I say, good man, ought you to be drinking java that hails from the Mile High City? The late Mayor Stapleton informs me that its residents, most of whom appear to be perpetually herbally besotted, have determined its existence an offense to the rights of man?, said Washington. It was an odd question.
Um. . . well its a local coffee. . . I can't get the stuff from Jackson here regularly. . . geez this is a weird dream anyway, I best get back to bed, I replied.
It's no dream.
The voice came from the sofa. Thomas Jefferson was reclining there. I hadn't noticed him until then.
More of a nightmare, really, he added.
Now, having two of the founders of the Republic was startling and therefore I started to turn to say something, but George spoke first.
Electricity! Well, I'll be! I wish Ben could have joined us, but his faults were so well known in our own day that he seems to have received his parole on this one. . . and he's likely still working of the debts forged in life in Purgatory at that!, George declared, seemingly bemused and delighted.
I was working on one that worked on wind power. . .Jefferson started to add, but then seemingly recalling where he was, morosely stated, when will that coffee be done? I'd just put in in machine.
About three or four minutes, I noted, beginning to become concerned that this looked less and less like a dream. Say, what are you guys doing here?
Oh, another citizen of this fair republic who wants us gone. . . come on George, Jefferson stated.
No, I didn't mean that,. . . what I meant is. . . well you guys have been dead for some time.
Well yes, George said cheerfully. Gone but not forgotten, as they say, or said.
We've been sentenced to haunt the Republic for a time to make up for our transgressions in this life, said Jefferson. And to serve as a reminder, in rendering that service, what the ideals of this representative republic were. Jefferson was studying the coffee maker by this point.
Transgressions?, I asked.
Yes, transgressions. Surely you are aware of what we speak of. Jefferson replied.
Well, um, I stumbled on my words, . . the coffee appears done. I poured three cups.
Yes, transgressions, Washington replied. Tom and I were slave owners as you know, and slavery is not admirable.
We never claimed that it was, Jefferson immediately noted.
No, we never did, but we lived and profited from it, Tom. Washington was quick with the retort.
That we did. We were weak men. . Jefferson started to say, and then Washington came in and elbowed him, careful not to spill his cup of coffee. . but some of us had bigger weaknesses than others!, he noted.
She was my wife's half sister and I was a widower, George! And lonely.
Tsk, tks, say how is she doing? They both seemed to know who they were speaking about and the conversation had become sort of a private one.
Oh Sally is fine, and my Martha too. They get together frequently on the other side where all men's equality is always recognized, Jefferson replied.
Well, you see, added Jefferson, the dilemma. We know better, to be sure. And we expressed our ideals. We acted as well. But we weren't saints, and in some ways fell very short.
Saw George III the other day, by the way, added Washington, speaking to Jefferson but looking around the room. . . he says hello. He's haunting Westminster working off that entire ascendancy problem in Ireland and says the royal household is a mess and that Queen Mary was right all along. He also says that the next crop of royals is a hopeless set of goofballs and he wishes he'd just book a boat over and joined us in the rebellion.
That's nice, replied Jefferson . . . Louis XVI was asking about him.
Oh, how is he? Washington's question appeared very sincere.
Fine, fine. . . he was packing for the final barque, having worked off his worldly debts. He was planning on catching up with Lafayette next Thursday. Jefferson spoke as if he might hope to join them.
A voice came from down the hall, Is that coffee I smell? Abe Lincoln went to the cupboard and poured himself a cup without asking.
Hmmm. . not bad, he stated, reminds me of when I was splitting rails, we'd start off each day with a fresh brewed pot of coffee, well one time . . .
You too? It was a bit rude, as I was interrupting Lincoln, but he kindly put the story aside.
Oh yes, kicked out of the republic I saved. What's a fellow to do?
Why?
Well, like these fellows. I wasn't perfect. Sure, I emancipated the slaves, but I didn't make it clear that I wanted them granted their own. . . acted like I was going to live forever. . . you know how it is.
Geee, I stated. Even Abe Lincoln.
Oh, don't worry, he stated. Theodore Roosevelt and I are going to kick around for a few days before we leave. We've hung around trying to inspire you folks enough. Time to go on with the ancients.
Roosevelt? I was now worried for TR.
Oh yes. He was for civil rights but as you know, he was a bit aggressive from time to time. He nearly shot at an Indian too in the 1890s. You folks claim to desire too much perfection to separate the man from the ideals. Lincoln seemed surprised that I had even asked.
I became a bit uneasy, that word "claim" had a bit too much emphasis. So I asked. Um, "claim"?
Yes, claim, Washington replied. Lincoln was already pouring himself a second cup and making a new pot. He seemed to know how the coffee maker worked.
I looked to Washington but it was Jefferson who replied.
We stated the ideals, and gave you the right to pursue happiness. . but you've seen to forgotten that pursuit does not equate with it being a gift and that both physics controls the world and what we are and metaphysics sets the ideal.
We can be what we want, but this determines what we want. The voice was that of T. E. Lawrence, he'd materialized in a chair in the corner.
Yes. . me too. . imperfect agent of colonialism and all. He looked tortured, as if he'd never stopped worrying about the treaty of 1919.
Oh. . I see, I stated.
Which is why Marx was laughing until he hit the bottom of the pit. The voice was Lincoln's again.
Eh?, I asked.
Oh yes, Karl. . he's where you might expect him to be. . but he's delusion was that of the modern age. I fear he'll have a lot of company. Jefferson stated.
He already does. . .you know that. It was Joe McCarthy.
Tail Gunner Joe? I exclaimed.
Yup. . you thought I'd be where Marx is, didn't you? Even in death his breath smelled like bourbon.
He must have realized that. Nope, just about to depart, worked off my debt. I had drinks just the other day with Ho Chi Minh and we're booking the ferry together.
Ho? I declared. I'd have thought. .
Oh, he's had a lot of explaining to do, but he's worked it off. Most of his torment has been having to walk the streets of Hanoi. Poor fellow, just sits in front of the Hanoi Victoria's Secret and cries and cries. Anyhow, it's like me, you know. I keep hearing how I was a big bully and ruined people's lives, but nobody ever seems to note that the people I accused were pretty much all guilty of what I accused them of. When will that coffee be done Abe? McCarthy's eyes looked bloodshot even in death.
Just a couple of minutes Joe. . . say where was it that you got those names anyhow, Lincoln asked.
From me. The answer came in the form of a giggle. J. Edgar Hoover stepped out of the shadows.
I'd wondered about that. I stated.
Yes, I went too far. Extrajudicial, as they say. But it was the flavor of the day. Even Frank kept tapes you know. Hoover stated. . . he was by that time going through the books upstairs and making me a bit nervous.
Frank?, I asked.
Yes, Franklin Roosevelt. You didn't think that Dick came up with that did you? Hoover was looking through my contacts on my Iphone.
I'm not a crook. Richard Nixon appeared.
Not welcome to this gathering Dick, Washington stated. Nixon went through the door and departed.
Where was I?, Hoover asked. With my Presidency, old boy, came the answer.
FDR looked good. He was walking and thin, looking youthful. He was smoking however and I started to worry how I was going to explain that to my wife. . .
Yes, he cheerfully proclaimed. I carried us through the Depression and beat the Axis in World War Two, but I didn't integrate the services and didn't really do all that much on civil rights. . .and of course there's that entire interment of the Japanese matter.
Who let these rubes in? The voice was clear and commanding. I turned to see who it was.
Fred? Lincoln stated. I thought surely you'd have gone to the other side right way, he stated. As he did, Nixon, McCarthy and Hoover were leaving. The speaker had been directing his retort to them.
Oh, I didn't stay long, and I'm here to escore others over. And some should be taking a separate barque. Richard, Edgar, Joe. . . depart this honored company. As he said it he stepped out of the shadows.
Frederick Douglass? I stated started.
Why yes, are you surprised? Malcolm and Martin came to guide these honored men to the barque.
Well, you and Martin, stated the tall thin man. You have to admit that you're being polite in including me, he added.
Why Malcolm, you were getting there, cut down in your prime. Its for that really that you are honored., Douglass stated.
Yes, about to get back home to my father's faith, as you well know. From Little to X and back to Little. Malcolm stated.
And you'll recall that man Edgar found some fault in me as well, Frederick, in turning to face him I could see right away it was Martin Luther King, although the voice alone betrayed him. It was for my ideals, not always my imperfect personal conduct, that I'm recalled.
True, said Douglas. But then we're all men, and its our higher ideals, not our daily failings, that we're recalled for, he stated. Let us depart.
Will everyone be leaving? I asked
All in good time, my boy, Roosevelt answered. We all take that barque in the end.
No, I meant will all the hero's be leaving? I asked
It seems you want it that way, Lincoln answered. Perfection, save for perfection in yourselves, seems to have become the standard. But as there with perfection being solely self defined, there shall be none.
A republic if you can keep it, Jefferson was referring to Benjamin Franklin. But it doesn't look like you'll be able to. I didn't think you would. It was the first I noted that he was reading a copy of Small Farmers Journal and had a copy of Rural Heritage in his coat pocket.
No, stay, stay, we need you., I declared, but as I did they all went through the door.
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