Customer Service

Greetings!  You have reached our customer service line!  I'm not a real person, but a disembodied voice.  Please choose amongst the following options.

Uno por  Espanol!

Dieu pour Fracais!

Drei vor Deutsch!

6.5 for English!

 . . . . .

What, you're still there?  Well then, press amongst our following options to be better help you.

Press one if you are calling about billing (we really care about that one).

Press two if you are calling to spend a pleasant afternoon talking with our customer benevolence representative in Bopal.

Press three if you have a problem with our service which needs to be addresssed.

You have a problem?  How dare you. Well, pick amongst one of the following options regarding your problem

Press one if you can fix it yourself

Press two if you have ever been to Lithuania.

Press three if you are about to meet your ultimate demise due to our product, in which case you will be put on prema hold.

Press four to speak to a customer representative.

Hello, this is the automated line for customer representatives.  Please answer the following questions by speaking into our phone, which only recognizes the telephonic accent of a person born in Botswana who has learned to speak English solely through movies featuring Sean Connery.

Do you have a problem?  Please say "aye" or "nrrrrr."

Do you wish to speak to a person?  If so, give us their name right now.

I'm sorry, that person doesn't work to us, you will be transferred back to our answering service.

Greetings!  You have reached our customer service line!  I'm not a real person, but a disembodied voice.  Please choose amongst the following options.